Issue #23: Trying to Stir Up Holiday Feels
This is what Christmas means to me (and what I'm eating this weekend)
I am really struggling to get into the holiday spirit this year. I’m checking everything off my usual list, and it’s just not working. Is this the new normal for a 38-year-old who doesn’t spend the holiday with family or anywhere with snow? I haven’t been to a Christmas Mass since my family severed all ties with the Catholic Church (which, honestly, my dad hung on to longer than he felt comfortable.)
In 2013, we had just moved away from our families to New York and knew that we would probably have to spend some holidays alone. The price of holiday travel is completely insane, and we would be frantically hopping from place to place without any real time to connect with the people we love most. We love getting long weekends throughout the year and creating new traditions with family.
So, the holidays have been quiet for us for most of the last decade. This year is the same, but I think when you pile on the news and the fact that we aren’t frantically trying to shop for everyone and ship everything out, it just feels like nothing is much different than the rest of the winter months.
I promise you, I’m trying. We are taking Christmas light walks and turning on Kacey Musgrave’s Christmas album (the best, in my opinion.) I’ll check in with my parents, hang the wreath from a friend, and light a very Christmasy candle. Most importantly, I’ll remain utterly grateful for the good things in my life.
I wanted to explain more about what this holiday looks like for me in case you’re reading this and feeling a little lonely or confused. Maybe you’ll get a new idea or just be able to relate. Care for yourself this weekend, and then spread that love to others. That’s really the meaning of the season, right?
What The Holiday Season Looks Like For Me
Holiday Cards
I hope that I never lose the energy for holiday cards. We are childless adults who have had at least one dog for most of our marriage. Early in our marriage, we thought it would be funny to send a card with a ridiculous picture for our holiday card, and then we just haven’t been able to stop. We have reenacted Christmas Vacation and Home Alone, found Sasquatch (thanks to Photoshop), wore matching onesies, built a toilet paper Christmas tree (hello 2020), and written many ridiculous holiday poems.
We order them early each year and handwrite a note on every single one. I freaking love mail, and sometimes a holiday card is the only way I connect with old friends each year. It’s supposed to make people smile, and I hope that we never fail in that. However, I will say that we confuse our grandparents each year with pop culture references. Here is the front of this year’s holiday card—'Twas the year of Taylor:
When in doubt, send holiday cards. It takes time and effort, but maybe consider a Valentine’s Day card or a first day of summer card. Bring back snail mail - it’s a treat for everyone. And if you need a year off, take it. If it’s not fun, don’t force it. I wouldn’t be mad about an email, either. It’s all about the connection whenever possible.
Meals Requiring Effort and Time
It’s just the two of us for the holidays, so we are making some serious comfort food. There are some homemade pierogis that we love making. It takes a lot of work and makes a huge mess, but we can freeze a bunch, and it feels like such a delight. I also have some French toast on my mind for the weekend. I’m just looking forward to having nothing but time to make food and enjoy the process.
Supporting Local + Tipping Season
I feel like giving back is something that so many people do so well during the holiday season, but I also want to remind you to tip well this time of year. I’ve seen one million memes about checking off of email until the new year, but anyone working in retail or hospitality cannot do that. Show some extra love. Shop at your local bookstores, clothing stores, and restaurants. Tip double what you usually would unless those few extra dollars are tough for you.
Hopefully, you’re rolling your eyes at this point because it’s obvious, but I also would be remiss if I didn’t mention that it’s just nice to show up a bit extra this season for the people who make your life a bit better. No one hates a little extra cash.
Desserts
Last year, I was recovering from having my wisdom teeth removed in my late thirties (which I guess is geriatric). My face was bruised for weeks, and I lived off mashed potatoes and smoothies. This year, I’m eating cornflake wreaths, Russian tea cakes, melting moments cookies, and spiked egg nog from Costco (don’t sleep on that liter for less than $10.) Literally, all the things that I had to miss out on last year are on the menu.
Less Work
As I mentioned, some people are lucky enough to just check out for the holidays. As a freelancer, I get absolutely zero paid time off. It’s the tradeoff for having a flexible schedule and being able to work in my pajamas.
On every vacation I’ve taken this year, I’ve worked for at least a few minutes to hit a deadline or get an assignment started during quiet time. I have precisely five things left to do before the end of the year, and I think I can get them done before Christmas. That would give me a whole week and a half off.
That’s so fun to say, but I’ll probably be trying to prep pitches and selling my soul for 2024. Hopefully, I can take advantage, but let’s be honest, a girl has to make some money. (Shameless plug that you can upgrade to a paid subscription for this newsletter, and I’ve added a discount that’s good until the end of 2023.)
Drinks With Friends
I’m so lucky to have Justin with me during the holiday season, but it can be an incredibly lonely season for both of us. We are in the mode of saying “yes” to anyone who invites us for a drink or a snack. It’s nice to be transplanted in a city with transplants because there are typically a few friends who are here for the holidays for various reasons.
It will never be the same as hanging out with family on the holidays. I would love to play games and hang out with the sisters, my brother, our parents, and all the kiddos. But that’s where framily comes into play.
A Few Holiday Classics
There are a few Christmas movies that I love watching each year, and they help get me in the holiday spirit:
Christmas Vacation
Home Alone 2 (don’t come at me, I love NYC as the background)
Deck the Halls
White Christmas
Four Christmases
Christmas Inheritance (Justin and I love to make fun of this while also loving it)
Klaus
Every holiday episode of our favorite sitcoms
I will try every movie once. I have watched the new-ish Lindsey Lohan movie and suffered through Best. Christmas. Ever! (which is the WORST! MOVIE! EVER!). But most of them are pretty bad and cheesy. I love cheese as long as it comes as a cheese pizza just for me.
A Gentle Solstice Celebration
After reading this book, I have been working to make the changing of the seasons into small and beautiful rituals for myself. I’m finishing this post during the longest night after seeing the sunset tonight (see picture below), lighting so many candles, and enjoying a hearty dinner of epic grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato bisque. If you haven’t leaned into the seasons and the beauty of each one, you might just be missing out.
Other Tidbits to Enjoy
I know all adults have now thought about how rich the McCallisters were in Home Alone if they could afford flights to Paris and live in that house. Well, this NY Times article helped prove that they are in the 1%.
This audiobook has been getting me through the midwinter walks, and it’s incredible. I’m sure I’m missing some of the big-picture advice, but I’m hearing her justify my winter behaviors, and I appreciate that.
Do kids have too much stuff? This argument is a big part of why we struggle with whether or not to send gifts to the kids in our lives. I love sending books, puzzles, games, musical instruments, etc, but it also weighs heavy on my conscience. We’ll see how I feel after taking the year off.
I’m content with being here in Seattle for Christmas, but I do miss being in New York City for Christmas. Or being at our favorite Christmas market in all of Europe.
Beautycounter opened their Winter Sale today with up to 65% off. Grab lip gloss, eye shadow, a face mask, or clean deodorant.
The holidays aren’t easy for everyone. This post shows you how to help a grieving friend, and I think it’s an incredibly important reminder going into the holiday season. I shared some of my initial thoughts on grief in this post as well, but I’ll be back with more on this topic in the new year.
Happy holidays friends. However you celebrate, I hope you find peace, light, and happiness. Next week, I’ll be back with some end-of-the-year wrap-ups. It’s almost 2024, friends.
Enjoy the longest night. Happy Solstice.
Steph